Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
