I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
