Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
