He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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