I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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