ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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