wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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