did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
