Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
