ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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