There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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