I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
