you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
