i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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