The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
