Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
