____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
