Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
