I wish my penis had an off switch
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
