All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
