I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize
