No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
