He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
