I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
