I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
