if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize