you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
