All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
