sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There r osticjed everywhere
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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