he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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