Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
