everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
