At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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