Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
are you so shy because you have an std?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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