butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
