Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
