Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
