I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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