I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
