Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
