I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
