She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
