Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
