just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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