Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
