I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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