I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
