WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
where are you?
Hypothermia
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
