Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
