I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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