My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
