Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
