After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
